Okay. I've always regarded myself as a man who is able to face the truth. If the facts disagree with my cherished opinions, I believe I am not only capable of changing them, but am morally compelled to alter those beliefs to match reality. So, as hard as it is for me to admit, the gun nuts are right . President Obama is coming to take away our guns.
I am a gun owner . But I am a gun owner who believes in reasonable regulation. I'm also a car owner, and we sure a lot of regulations regarding the ownership and operation of vehicles. It always seemed reasonable to me that we should have similar regulations applying to guns.
However, this morning I learned just how wrong I was. Last week I had an incredibly bad case of the flu. I thought I was almost over it but I had a bad relapse last night. As I lay in bed this morning feeling like I couldn't get up for anything at all someone began pounding on the front door.
I just laid there hoping they would go away. Whoever it was refused to give up. I finally dragged myself out of bed and almost crawled of front door. What a surprise I had when I opened it!
It was President Obama.
"Good morning." He said. "I hope you're having a good day."
"No," I said, "I'm very sick." My nose was so stuffed that it came out sounding a little bit different. More like, "Doh. Ahm bery zig."
"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. So, let's get this over with quickly. I am here to take your guns. If you'll just hand them over, I'll be moving on. And you can get back in bed. Thank you, very much."
I wasn't thinking too clearly, but I did manage to reply, "Go 'way!"
He thought about this for a moment. Then he replied, "Well, since you're so sick, I suppose we can do this another time. But it really would be better to just give them to me now. I have another 648 homes in Apple Valley to visit and collect their guns and then I have to get down to San Bernardino. It's hard to cover so much territory in one day. I just don't know how Santa manages he whole world in a single night."
At this point I began to cough on him so he looked at me one more time and said, "I'll be back." And he didn't even sound German . Or Austrian.
So, there it is. President Obama is really coming to take our guns, personally coming. I felt bad that I didn't have any cookies or milk to offer him, and I suppose he arrived in a helicopter instead of a reindeer powered sleigh, but at least he was wearing jack boots. Well, boots. What are jack boots anyway?