Friday, March 25, 2016

Hulk Angry! Hulk Dance!

Cloud Cuckoo Land

In response to a very popular right wing post in which Breitbart declares that we need a real president to defeat Isis, not one who dances the tango, I posted the following. Then I couldn't stop going on and on because it's just so damn funny. So I have added a bunch of addenda down at the bottom for any of you read only my original Facebook post.

He is defeating ISIS, in the real world, not Breitbart's version of Star Wars. How exactly do you think refusing to dance until Isis is defeated will help defeat Isis?

I mean, honestly, I expect stupidity and mindless hatred from the right wing news media but not doing a dance will magically attack Isis?

I can hear it now. Isis commander: by the Beard of the Prophet! We must now evacuate the areas we have conquered because the President of the United States refused to do a dance! When did he get so smart?

Of course, I must admit that George Washington was tried and convicted of treason for doing dances during the American Revolution. I mean, come on! We could have beaten the British in three months if only he hadn't done all that dancing!

Look in the mirror, conservatives. Your hatred is becoming so mindless that it has degenerated into the truly bizarre. You have replaced concepts of strategy, logic, and even rationality with, "Hulk angry! Hulk smash!"


Just a few more thoughts because this is so utterly Cloud Cuckoo Land that I just can't resist adding on. PS, that's because it's fun.

Breaking news from Breitbart:

In response to our brilliant article, the War College and the American military academies are now requiring all students to learn how to win a war by not dancing. "This will be the greatest new weapon in the history of new weapons," said an unnamed general. "If only we had thought of this before!"

Historical fact: When he received the shocking news that the Japanese had bombed Pearl Harbor, Franklin Delano Roosevelt immediately responded in his beautiful upper-class accent, "Gentlemen, until we have won this war I shall never set foot up on the dance floor. I shall not dance until victory is ours!"

And he didn't. Which is why we won. And you shut up! Polio, wheelchairs, and leg braces had nothing to do with it. It was a moral decision he made 'cause he was a great president, unlike like that awful man, Obama who dances -- sometimes -- to be polite.

Also, this has nothing to do with being jealous because I have never been able to master the tango. I will have you know that I don't want to master the tango. I've never even tried to master the tango. So there.

Another historical fact: It was a common, is rather crude, jest of the Civil War era that, "Bluebellies can't dance." In fact this was the actual, real rebel yell. "Bluebellies can't dance! Charge!" They yelled it a lot. Historians don't know if the accusation against Billy Yank was true or false because, of course, no Union officers, including the commander-in-chief, ever danced during the Civil War. Jefferson Davis and all of his officers went to grand balls and dances at every opportunity. That's why they lost the war. I mean, it's not like they were fighting for a really bad cause or that it was stupid to start a war with somebody who had a vastly bigger population, huge manufacturing capacity, almost every armaments factory in the entire nation, or any of that sort of totally unimportant strategic and tactical stuff. It's because they danced during the war.

Final note: I have a suggestion for Breitbart. I think they, like Scientology made a mistake when they changed their original name. It's true no one was interested in joining a religion called Stupidology, but at least it was honest. So I'm suggesting to Breitbart that they go back to their original name, at least for the sake of honesty, from now on they should call themselves Dumbass.

I must get control of myself. I must stop going on and on about this. It's just that the straight line is pure gold. It absolutely begs for smart ass responses. I mean, how can I resist? It's becoming an addiction. Help me! Someone help me! If you love me, make me stop!

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