Slice Of Life (Mine)

Hey Bobby. Why make a Facebook post that you won't notice? I'll just text you. I'm really worn out today, of course, because I have to pay for everything I do but the price is small compared to the benefits. I'm still feeling really happy and steady. Being with people makes life so much more endurable. Not to mention I had a really great time with all the discussions we had -- some really interesting stuff came through. Katy is really interesting I like her.

Glad you brought her. Yesterday was specially great because James stopped by and spent time with us.

You said I should let you know if any interesting anime came by here are a few, none of them deep and serious but I do find them fun. They're all on Netflix.

NeoyokioStrange look at a future? alternate? world. In spite of its seemingly silly storyline it is really a social commentary and it can be quite biting here and there. If you like it you'll love it, if you don't, you will find it really weird.

SaikiK. This one's fun but it's also a little odd. It's subtitled and everyone in it talks so fast sometimes I have to rewind in order to read the subtitles. But I enjoy it. What if you had superpowers, hated that fact, just wanted to be a reclusive loner but the world seems to keep conspiring to out you and force you to be involved with people?

Agretsuko. I told you about this one, not fluff but not serious either. I just find it a lot of fun.  Slice of life for a red panda salary slave.

Violet Evergarden.  This one is really good. The storyline gets serious here and there but it's a much more interesting as a view of an alternative world with some deep emotional context.

Children of the Whales. Interesting story with interesting characters. Creates a strange alternate world. Awfully violent. But still I found the story intriguing.

Fate Zero. Very popular and with good reason. No depth, no great meaning, but an interesting storyline. Any exposition would be a real spoiler. However, for what it's worth, extremely popular. But then again so are Dragon Ball Z and  One Piece and  a lot of  other animes I simply cannot stand.

Saw an interesting show on Ayn Rand. I know you remember her. Who could forget the mighty rallying cry of her adoring cult members , "Eine volk!  Eine reich! Ayn Rand!"

I enjoyed this video from C-SPAN:  

https://www.c-span.org/video/?461916-1/mean-girl

And here's a quote from one website that I found very telling:

>She allowed him to run the Nathaniel Branden Institute, a small society dedicated to promoting Objectivism through lectures, therapy sessions, and social activities. The courses, he later wrote, began with the premises that “Ayn Rand is the greatest human being who has ever lived” and “Atlas Shrugged is the greatest human achievement in the history of the world.”  <

How very individualistic. How very non-collective. I mean how very mind controlling and cult of the personality.

I'm really worn out I think I'm going to go back to sleep. I slept really well last night but I'm still tired. I'll probably post this on my blog because it's got some interesting points. I do so little posting these days it won't hurt.  

I'm glad you're my friend and I appreciate your being here for me in this very difficult time.

A Letter To My Middle Daughter, In A Time Of Suffering

I knew you'd go through times like this the moment they first said that Ed might have cancer. We talked about it back then. It's easy to say, "I'll make it through", at the beginning.  It gets harder and harder as the burden grows greater, as the time drags on, as your body begins to break down under the stress. You are in a situation that in many ways is like a soldier at war. 

You don't want to do this. It's really more than any reasonable person would ask another human being to endure. But there it is. You must keep soldiering on.

You know that what Ed is suffering is causing him to experience severe confusion. In many ways this body is literally being poisoned by the treatments.  But we must continue on with it because the poison is harder on the cancer than it is on him.

I wish we were closer and could provide you with more support. But we all out here, so far away.  We  know what you're going through. No, we've never been to the cancer thing at this close a level but we've been through enough medical problems that we understand. I wish there was more we could do.

But all we can be are your support troops. You are the frontline soldier. You're the one who has to face the daily suffering, fight the daily battle.

Because you are the primary caregiver, it all falls on you. Every hurt, every bit of pain, every suffering that happens to those around you, it all falls on you.

You're suffering is second only to Ed's. I wish I had a way to just make it better for you, but all I can do is let you know that the family here is with you and behind you. What we can do is not good enough, but what we can do, we will do. You must simply find the strength to carry on, as hard as that is.

I know you will do this. Your love for Ed will carry you through. I hope that with the cancer shrinking, things will begin to get better and better. I hope this is as low as things get and you have finally hit the bottom. But we can't know that for certain. All you can do struggle on, day by day and hour by hour.

As I said to you once before, I can't help but quote Thomas Payne, these are the times that try men's souls. Your soul is being tried and you are passing the test. This kind of suffering is wrong and terrible, but sadly, we don't know how to prevent it.

However hard it seems, however much you wish you could just give up, I know that you will endure and carry-on. I say again, you know who really cares about you now. They are the ones still there behind you, doing the best they can to help you.

You are loved and Ed is loved. Hold on to that. Don't try to struggle to find a way to solve everything. That you won't be able to do. But you can keep going from hour to hour and day to day. And with the cancers shrinking there's good reason to hope that this will have a good ending and that it may not be too far away.

We love you.

On the Front Lines

I just realized in the midst of a rather harrowing experience for my family that the posts relating to the situation are only seen by a few of my Facebook friends. So, to update the rest of you:

My middle girl lives in Kansas.  She is married to the kindest, gentlest man I've ever met.  He has given very much to her and they are deeply in love.  Not long ago a growth was discovered on one of his lungs.

For those of you who have struggled with cancer I'm sure you know what came after.   Patients can keep informed of every preliminary finding or wait until all the facts are in.  It's a long and terrifying wait, stretched out over weeks of testing.  They chose to know each set of test results as they came in, rather than remaining in ignorance until the final diagnosis. It ran something like this:

It might be benign or it might might be cancerous. We need more tests.

The preliminary results of the first tests indicate that it probably is cancer but we hope we caught it in the early stages. We need more tests.

The tests confirm that it is cancer but they are not conclusive as to the exact type or prognosis. We need more tests.

It is a very dangerous form of cancer called squamous cell lung cancer. It appears to be at a more advanced stage that we originally thought but...We need more tests

The current test results indicate it is likely to be at an extremely advanced stage which may have metastasized and may be already untreatable. But we can't be certain of this until all the doctors involved meet together and study all the test results.  We will have a final answer in a few days. In spite of the urgency, this can not be rushed. The team must study all the data very carefully and very thoroughly to ensure that we finally have the correct diagnosis.

Final diagnosis. It is in a more advanced stage than we originally believed, but not as advanced as we feared.  That makes it extremely dangerous, but treatable. Both chemotherapy and radiation are indicated.  Treatment will begin next week.  

This type of cancer is not predictable. Some patients respond very well to treatment and recover surprisingly quickly. Others do not. Only time can give us the answer.

Support has been freely given.  We are all grateful and determined to fight the good fight.  If you believe in prayer, pray hard.  If you do not, think good thoughts.  Both are welcome.