Cry 'Havoc!,' And Let Slip The Dogs Of War!

As conservatives once again freak out about the imaginary war on Christmas in the last few decades that never actually happened, it pays to ask a serious question. Who has actually waged a war on Christmas in America?

The answer is:

The Puritans.

You know. Those evil, liberal, atheist, latte loving, avocado eating, socialists. Wait a minute. Weren’t the Puritans ultra conservative, ultra religious, ultra Christians? They could not have been the ones to ban Christmas…could they?

May 11, 1659
The General Court of the Massachusetts Bay Colony issued the following order.
For preventing disorders arising in several places within this jurisdiction, by reason of some still observing such festivals, as were superstitiously kept in other countries, to the great dishonor of God and offense to others:
It is therefore ordered by this court and the authority thereof, that whomsoever shall be found observing any such day as Christmas or the like, either by forbearing labor, feasting, or any other way upon any such account as aforesaid, every such person so offended, shall pay five shillings as a fine…”

(FYI: They also banned Easter.)

Why? Because God said only the Sabbath should be kept holy and they thought that it should be honored with solemn, long, grim church services. Anyway, people are notorious for doing fun things at Christmas. I mean they played games! So wicked! Not to mention they drank!

Cotton Mathers’ father declared, “The generality of Christmas-keepers observe that festival after such a manner as is highly dishonorable to the name of Christ. How few are there comparatively that spend these holidays (as they are called) after an holy manner. But they are consumed in Compotations, in Interludes, and playing at Cards, in Revellings, in excess of Wine, In mad Mirth.“

To enforce these restrictions the authorities, “… dispatched town criers on Christmas Eve to shout "No Christmas, No Christmas" through the streets of Boston.” (https://www.mentalfloss.com/article/54131/time-boston-banned-christmas)

Great! But it gets better. Although the law was repealed, the attitude that Christmas was a bad thing lasted for a very long time.

All the way up to the year before Ulysses S. Grant declared Christmas a national holiday (1869), school children in Boston who decided not to attend public school on Christmas Day were severely punished. They were punished by up to expulsion from school for such a heinous offense.

I’ve known about the banning of Christmas by the Puritans for decades but I want to give thanks to the Internet channel Today I Found Out for these details.

So if you do insist on making declarations about the war on Christmas please remember that war was waged by ultra conservative, ultra religious, ultra Christians. Not by liberals. In fact it was liberals who overturned the law and declared Christmas a national holiday.

The war on Christmas? Yes there was one. Because the Liberals won, we can all still joyfully say, “Merry Christmas!”

From last December:

Had a wonderful night with James and the kids yesterday. Tony being away at school in the evening, he gets lonely, so I went over and we spent some time together. He pointed out that this is the first time the old house had outside Christmas lights and, you know, as far as I can remember, it is. It looked really nice. I tried to give him some advice, only to find out he had already thought everything through when it came to the conclusions I was suggesting. Smart kid .

Just back from walking the dog . Last night, he went wild over a coyote hanging nearby. Tonight he was eager to get out, obviously looking for the coyote again. I'm not far from the house and there he is, just standing there.  It was dark and I didn't see him at first, but there he was no more than 40 feet away calmly looking at us. Toby was wild, trying to get over to him, but the coyote just quietly walked off into the bushes as if we were nothing very important. For the rest of the walk, I could hear that weird coyote howl, yowl , yelp in front of us, behind us on both sides of us --obviously they're out hunting tonight. So I guess our friend felt comfortable because he knew he had plenty of backup! 

I don't like coyotes, they're dangerous to pets. But I must admit a grudging admiration for such clever, fast, survivable creatures. Looney Tunes notwithstanding, if a coyote could get hold of a credit card, I don't think he would waste much time buying things from Acme and I don't think the Road runners would get away with it as often as the cartoons imagined.