Whiny Guy's back. Okay, so he never really went away. He's just been keeping his mouth shut. More or less.
So what's to whine about? Lots. Racquel's deal to sell her house fell through. The guy who was buying it wanted sex to seal the deal. Obviously the deal fell through. What kind of man would do that to a widow of two weeks who so deeply and dearly loved her husband?
She can't afford to keep living there without Ed's income. So she has to come home, and that's that.
It will be good to have her home, but not like this. I've wished she and Ed would move back to California for a long time. I didn't want her back as an alternative to being homeless after his death.
James is going back to bring her home. I'll be paying for it. That's okay. It depletes my savings account and pushes the credit cards to the maximum, but that's what those things are for. For when my my family needs them.
Maybe, if I work hard to to pay some down and get some savings I'll be able to take the family to Disneyland next Christmas. It means so much to my little ones even though I can't ride any of the rides. I'm happy to see their joy when they come off and to take plenty of pictures.
At least some things got done yesterday. Things that have been hanging fire for the last few months of 2014. The problem is now I'm so confused when I tried to do a few things today I only made them worse. For all of you who understand that there's a point when I just have to stop and do nothing or I make things worse because my mind just can't work, focus, or function, you're a blessing from God, even if you don't believe in Him.
For the a few of you who don't understand, who think it must be that I am lazy, or don't care, or like things confused… I hope someday you understand just how wrong you are. I don't want you to understand because you get confused like I do. Nobody should go through this. I just hope you understand and have the decency to be ashamed that you made things harder for me when you could've made life easier.
Whiny guy is sure at it today, isn't he? Well, I'm confused and so I'm expressing more than I normally do. Also, saying it somehow makes it better. It makes it somehow distanced and objectified if I put it down on paper instead of just feeling it. That I think everybody understands.
So I'll post this now or I'll think about it tomorrow and won't do it.
Don't panic, by the way. We are in this together as a family, and will get through this together as a family. If it weren't for James I don't know what Racquell and I would do. But he is there handling things. He's a real blessing in my life.