I was an ordinary high school student. Except I was awfully good with my skateboard. Which is why I impressed all the girls by never wearing any safety equipment. Helmets? That’s for wimps who get bullied.
I was so good I invented my own maneuver. I hadn’t even named it yet. At the skate park I showed it off to everyone and it didn’t quite work. Which is how I fractured my skull and died.
Should’ve been the end, right? Only, yeah, it happened to me. Empty white room, funny looking old man. I’m not an otaku and nowhere near a hikkikomori, but I’ve read a few mangas here and there. I got it. I’m not particularly interested in swords and sorcery and magic and all that stuff but hey, better than staying dead, right?
So the old god guy is pretty nice. He smiles and says “Welcome! You know what’s happening right?”
So I told him I did. I was gonna go on and explain how I was pretty popular with the girls and was a respected athlete, but he never gave me a chance.
“Well, I’m new to all this! You’re my first one. I got curious about what all the other gods were into, thought I’d give it a try. Read a few manga and now we’re ready to go. Sorry I had to wait till that truck killed you but…”
That’s when I asked him what truck?
He looked awfully confused and asked “You died from a fractured skull didn’t you?”
I told him I did but it’s because I tried my new trick on a skateboard and I guess it was pretty stupid not to wear helmet after all… And that’s as far as I got.
“Oh, no! I’m so sorry! My fault! I can’t just send you back to be dead now. But it has to be a truck! Every manga I read, it started with a truck.” He thought about it for a moment and then he almost shouted, “I got it!” He looked at me and smiled, “Don’t worry, I’ll give you your harem and your magic powers and cat girls and everything you’ve ever dreamed of!” He waved his hand and I was standing in the middle of a street and a truck was coming at me.
I jumped out of the way. And got in the way of a passenger car. Which killed me.
Back in the white room the god was looking confused and a little bit angry. “Why did you dodge?” It’s got to be a truck!” He waved hand again before I could say anything and I was on a narrow curving mountain road; rock face on one side, steep cliff on the other, and a truck was coming at me.
So of course I jumped. And I hit the guard rail. Then I fell off the cliff. And then I was back in the white room.
This time the old guy was not a little puzzled. Just angry. Very, very angry.
“What’s the matter with you? Don’t you want to be in your wonderful dream world that you’ve always wished you had as you locked yourself away in your lonely little room?”
I tried to explain him again but having died three times in a row was making a little hard for me to talk.
“Let’s get it right this time,” he said sternly. He waved his hand again.
This time I was standing in a forest. I looked around. Behind me there was a cliff that looked an awful lot like the one I had just fallen down. All around me was, you know, the forest. Trees and plants and stuff. Then there was a shadow over me, so I looked up and a truck fell on me.
Back in the room again. The old god guy looked really happy. “Finally got it right! I’d have thought that after dying a few times, you’d stop being afraid of it.” Then he stopped, looked a little thoughtful and said “Of course being a god, I’ve never died, so maybe I got it wrong.” He smiled at me in his kindly old senile god way, and added, “I made it easy for you. Just made a truck lose control, had the driver jump out time to save his life and let it fall down on top of you so you didn’t have time to dodge. Clever, huh?”
I tried to tell him that if he really wanted to reincarnate me, how about just sticking me back in my old world. I liked it there. I was good at it. I was in a good high school. I had a great career ahead of me. I dated a lot of girls. I was a popular guy. But I had just had too many deaths in the last 3 1/2 minutes for me to stop shaking long enough to say anything.
At least he noticed. He told me to calm down and wait a while before sending me the new world because there’s no way I could survive in my current condition. Eventually I calmed down enough to start screaming.
“Why did you keep killing me!? It doesn’t have to be a stinking truck! One guy got stabbed and there was another guy who fell out of his bed and bumped his head and died for no particular reason. But they got isekaied!”
He looked a bit puzzled, “Oh? Guess I haven’t read enough isekai then. I’ll read some more. Thanks for letting me know. Anyway, you look better, so I’ll let you start your wonderful new dream life you’ve always wished for.”
And then I was in this place.
So, I repeat, I got to admit it’s better than being dead. I mean, what isn’t? But magic is confusing, swords are stabby and sharp, and harems aren’t as much fun as you might think. Just take a little time and actually think about it for once. I have to live with four incredibly demanding, pushy, selfish little brat girls. Each one wants everything her own way. All they do is fight with each other, except when they unite forces to fight against me, which happens a lot.
And worst of all, you can’t divorce a harem.
I miss my old life.
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