Alright, I'm forced to admit it. The Republicans are right. All these awful immigrants are the source of every problem America has had or ever will have . And this anchor baby business must be stopped. So what we'll do is pick a date – we have to pick a date because the American Indians are immigrants too and if we don't set some cut off point, every single human being in United States will have to leave it --but anyone arriving after that date, and all of their descendents, will be expelled from this great nation.
This is the only way to save America! I propose we set the date at 1575. That will get rid of all those grave robbing and land stealing Pilgrims and other illegal immigrants who came after them. Not only were the Pilgrims illegals, they never even bothered to learn the language, Wôpanâak, spoken by the Wampanoag citizens! Hey, Pilgrim descendants, this is America! Learn Wôpanâak, or go home to England and talk all the English you want!
By the way, I should mention that this program would exempt my family since the Naranjo patriarch arrived here in 1574, but that's just a coincidence.